I am feeling so blessed tonight. Although exhaustion has taken on a whole new meaning, a recent ladies event has recharged my spirit and my heart. I feel compelled to write about my experience, because as crazy as it sounds, I think God wants me to.
When you are faced with tragedy and loss, you often feel as though you just got the wind knocked out of you, and down you go. I have realized through this journey, that when you are this far down, you are forced to look up. This total loss of control in your life, somehow allows you the freedom to fall right into the arms of God. It is there that you spend many hours talking, praying, and waiting for answers. I feel that I heard some answers for the first time.
A dear friend of mine invited me on a bible study outing, where a group of women pray and study to prepare for the Christmas season. I honestly had very little energy, and considered not going. It was only a few hours, so I put on makeup for the first time in months, and off I went. Although, I like to consider myself a good Catholic, I have never been to a bible study. I had no idea what to expect, and Carl laughed at me as I fussed over what to wear to the prayer group.
I arrived and found myself surrounded by women from all walks of life. As the day unfolded I felt as though God was speaking to me through these women! There was a lady who approached me and knew that Carl was sick. She told me that doctors told her she had 6 months to live, and that she went back a month later to discuss a plan for her care, and was spontaneously cured. 16 years later she was cancer free and telling me of her faith in God. We talked about fear, and how it can consume you. She eased my fears in a way that I will never be able to explain.
Not knowing what the future brings for your husband is the hardest part of this cancer journey for me. I have to rely on medicine and my faith in God so that I won’t have to raise my two children without the only other person in the world that will love them the way that I do. The only other person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is it for me, in terms of love❤️. So there you have it, faith in his plan is what I cling on to. 🙏
Yet another women heard me speaking of Dr. Richard Awtrey, and how wonderful he has been to my family, and what an incredible G.I. Specialist he has been ( going above and beyond by calling and checking on us ever since the diagnosis). This woman tearfully hugged me and said her husband has been really sick and that she was praying for an answer and was calling this doctor as soon as possible. It was so strange to connect with these perfect strangers, and to become aware of all the prayers answered.
As word got around about Carl, this room full of 25 women, that I just met, held hands and prayed for his healing. It was so humbling, and brought me to tears in an instant.
Over the course of a year, I have seen the power of prayer unfold, and I know that God is with me no matter what. I have held hands with Carl many times and prayed for God to keep our small little family together. So far these prayers seem to be working!
I felt the need to write about this because after leaving this spiritual day, I realized that we are all struggling in one way or another, carrying our own cross. This was visible as different women’s tearful intensions were said aloud that day. Suffering is something that makes us human, and we all experience it. It is through suffering that we are able to find God. So I continue to look up from our down, and feel God’s love shining on me through the smallest miracles. We have one more chemotherapy treatment to go. The Schaubhut Family is celebrating the Christmas season and thanking God for all of our blessing.